Unconquered
by BrenRenQoI
Summary: Post Divide and Conquer Episode Tag


Unconquered

By Bren Ren

The medics nearly had to pry Martouf out of Sam's arms. For a moment, she sat there empty and bereft, silent tears slipping down her cheeks. Then Jack was there, helping her to her feet, arm around her waist silently guiding her out of the Gate room and up the stairs while a flurry of activity swirled behind them.

No one followed them immediately. They reached the quiet of the briefing room and only then did Jack's arm drop away. Sam stood there for a long moment, feeling a need to gasp for air but not succumbing to it. Her shoulders shook with the effort of holding the air in as she fought to regain control.

"Breathe," Jack said softly.

She blinked twice before opening her mouth to suck in a lungful of air. It came out an unsteady stream, followed by a soft little groan. "Oh God, I killed him."

"You had no choice," was his immediate response. He gently grabbed her shoulders. "No choice," he repeated in a harsh whisper.

She nodded, closing her eyes tightly against the tears still drenching her cheeks. "I can't believe he's gone," she said slowly. "He was my only connection to Jolinar, and he's gone."

"I'm sorry," he said quietly.

Sam searched his face for a moment, seeking something in his eyes; but what, he did not know. "I really liked Martouf. He's a wonderful person, really he… he was." She winced before continuing. "Being host to Jolinar was one of the most difficult experiences of my life… but Martouf helped me understand so much… I had this whole other being I shared my life with, however briefly, and I had to find a way to live with that. Martouf… helped me find that way." Sam paused, finally stepping back and wiping her cheeks dry, or trying to at least. "And then there's everything that Jolinar felt… that I still feel… never mind my own feelings, which are a tangled mess, of course."

"Anyone would be after something like this," Jack replied.

She searched his eyes once again, still seeking that elusive something. He wished he knew what it was so he could just give it to her already. God knew there was nothing he would deny her.

"I guess I have a lot of feelings to sort out," she finally managed. Something flashed in Jack's eyes for a moment, and suddenly, she found what she was looking for. Understanding. She smiled, small and brief. It was gone as fast as it came. "Thank you, sir."

"For what?"

"For getting me out of there." She paused, taking in a slow, even, deep breath before continuing. "I guess I really needed a moment to pull myself together," she added.

"Anytime," he countered with a small smile of his own.

They only had a moment longer to themselves before the room was suddenly filled with General Hammond and all the President's men, to begin the long discussion over what had just happened in the Gate room. It would be a long meeting, but they sat side by side through it all, and all the while, she was drawing strength and comfort just from his presence.

After the meeting was over, Sam was ordered to the infirmary, to be followed by some ordered leave time. General Hammond was insistent that she take a couple of days to sort things out.

Jack trailed behind her, unwilling to let her out of his sight. She went through her entire physical with him watching from one corner of the infirmary. After she was dismissed, he followed her to the locker room.

"Sir, its okay," she said upon reaching the doorway. "I'm not going to fall apart again. Thanks, though."

"I think we should talk," he replied.

Sam swallowed once. "I really think I just need some time alone to sort things out."

"You shouldn't be alone yet. Look, who was the one you talked to after you got through that whole Jolinar thing?" She didn't answer, just smiling gently as she glanced down. When her eyes returned to his, he continued. "Yup, yours truly," he said, gesturing towards himself. "Come on, Carter. You need to let it out. I make a great sounding board," he offered.

After a long moment, she sighed. "Do you really think it's such a good idea, all things considered?"

"All things considered, I think it's the only wise decision." He stood there for a moment, his eyes silently pleading with hers. "I'm your CO, and you're my second in command. I would be remiss in my duty not to offer you my full support when you're going through a difficult experience."

Feeling as emotionally battered as she was, her defenses were significantly lowered. Sure enough, he managed to weasel his way past every barrier, to see what she really needed even when she was blind to it herself. She found herself nodding in silent acquiescence, and she was rewarded with a small but brilliant Jack smile.

"Let's go get a drink. Something nice and safe and public," he offered. She nodded once more, and then turned into the locker room. Jack stood there simply smiling after her for a little bit longer than he should before he turned and walked away.

They met up at a bar just outside of town, where they found themselves sitting in a dimly lit booth in a corner of the sparsely populated room, each nursing a tall, frothy cold beer.

"So…" Sam began uncertainly. "I guess this is the part where I'm supposed to spill my guts."

"Only if you want to," he returned easily.

"I just don't know how to begin. Or how much I should say."

"Say whatever you need. None of it has to leave this room." His echoing of her words had her breath catching in her throat.

"Do you have any idea what it's like to love as a Tok'ra? They had a hundred years together! That's more than twice my lifetime… and yet, I remember it all clearly. And as if it were my own memories. It's so strange, to feel all these feelings I know aren't mine. And yet, they couldn't be stronger if they were my own." The words came pouring out of her almost faster than she could spit them out. "I can't really explain it clearly, sir, but… it's like I'm the one who has been in love with Martouf for the last century and I just lost the love of my life. Which is ridiculous when the love of my life is--" She suddenly broke off, belatedly realizing where that line of thought went. She blushed and looked away from Jack. "When he wasn't really the love of _my_ life," she amended.

"I don't think I can imagine what that's like. It's hard enough sorting out my own feelings, I sure as hell wouldn't want the feelings of one of those snakes stuck up in my head," Jack said with a wry almost-grin.

"Exactly. I mean, it's not like I asked for all this. It's all just so unfair," she lamented. "To me, to Martouf, to Jolinar… or to you." She took a long drink. "I'm such a mess."

"You're entitled. You've had a rough blow. This too shall pass," he added with a wince. "You're one of the best second-in-command's I've had the pleasure of working with, you know?" His voice was soft and low, and the praise washed over her like a warm wave. "I have every confidence that you'll be able to sort this entire mess out and be back to normal in no time."

"And if not, I can always fake it," she mused.

"No faking it, Carter," he said in a voice that broke no room for argument. "Take all the time you need to sort it out, but don't think you need to fake it. You're of much greater use to me when you're truly one hundred percent. Got it?"

"Yes sir," she answered. "That's kind of a relief, since I'm really not that good at faking it."

"Yes, I've noticed," he returned with a little smile. "I bet you're a lousy poker player, too." 

"Oh, I've pulled off my share of bluffs. I suppose I can be good at it when I have to."

"Just remember that you don't have to with me."

"Oh yes I do," she retorted. "When it comes to certain things, I have to fake it a lot. Every day I have to make it seem like I have nothing but the utmost professional feelings towards you." She took another long gulp of her beer. "And it gets hard sometimes."

"I know," he replied softly. "But we both know the score here. And the alternatives are…"

"Not worth considering. Not now. Maybe someday… but not now."

"Someday…" he repeated, "maybe." He finished off the last of his beer and set the empty mug down on the table. He offered her a smile full of hope as she finished off her drink. She returned it with a brave one of her own.

"I like the sound of that," she decided out loud.

"Me too," he agreed. "So, I'll see you back on base in a couple of days."

"I'll be there. And ready to take on the galaxy," she concluded, still smiling.

"That's what I like to hear," he replied. They left the bar, parting ways, each keeping that small smile tucked deep inside their hearts, the hope of someday spinning in their minds.


End file.
